35 British tweets from 2018 that are guaranteed to make you chuckle

Britain to the world:

We are a noble, respected and extremely advanced democracy

Also Britain:

Oh it’s all kicking off now, they’ve grabbed the big mace!pic.twitter.com/yPoFOcvoyx

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) December 10, 2018

A little boy just screamed down the tube carriage “if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands” and everyone remained silent. I love London

— sophie (@sophxthompson) May 16, 2018

Passed out fully clothed last night for the first time but somehow also managed to upload a full photoset from my local kebab place which I don’t remember either doing or taking in the first place pic.twitter.com/KQ93zUAoGN

— cardio b (@moya_lm) February 17, 2018

So on Kings Heath High Street we have a Specsavers inbetween a Lloyds’ Pharmacy and a Greggs.

Yes, that’s right:

Specs and Drugs and Sausage Rolls. pic.twitter.com/r5FHGXyb1x

— Rachel Burns (@RachJBurns) February 23, 2018

Woman on the train just tapped me on the arm & said ‘sorry – is that yours?’ Looked on the floor where she was pointing & it was a massive stag beetle

Like does she think I littered it or that it’s my pet or what

— Jess Vallance (@jessvallance1) June 9, 2018

We make out like Fireman Sam is a hero but he is an absolute hack. Only about 25 people live in Pontypandy and they are setting fire to something EVERY SINGLE DAY.

EDUCATE THEM SAM. GO BEYOND THE HOSE.

— Laura (@fairycakes) August 15, 2018

“And you are saying the Vileda super-mop does all this?”

“That’s right Piers. This magical invention reaches into all the nooks and crannies. And for just £19.99”

“Let me hear that price again, I can’t quite believe it”

“That’s £19.99, Piers”

“Amazing value” pic.twitter.com/4fYfEszCcS

— . (@twlldun) January 29, 2018

Ma gran started walking 2 miles a day when she turned 60 to try keep fit, she’s 70 odd now and av no got a fkn clue where she is

— Billy Young (@billfredzaha) January 16, 2018

Battery’s on your telly remote last forever man stops working just give it a wack n it starts working again for another 3 year

— Casey (@CaseyBlackett1) June 18, 2018

My 10 yr old was hugging the cat, & whispering to him “I love you so much that you’re the 2nd most loved thing in my life.” Aww, I thought, she’s still mama’s little girl. Then she finished her whisper with “But spaghetti is my favorite thing.”

— hend amry (@LibyaLiberty) January 5, 2018

I do’nt care what Kids at School call me because they are all Disgusting Fake Losers and my Real Friends go to a diffrent Scool you haven’t heard of and they think Im the Coolest and Smartest and we go to parties and I don’t have to tell you there Names for this to be True. pic.twitter.com/vTXm13DShu

— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) August 19, 2018

Our government is really treating Brexit like one uni deadline. How you 2.5 years into the assignment with nothing to show for it? These man will be pulling an all nighter in the library on March 28th

— yung reezy (@6foot3lightie) October 16, 2018

Whenever I hear anybody say ‘to play devils advocate’ I do a loud, internal sigh. The devil doesn’t need an advocate, Graham. Just confess you agree with the shitty point you’re attempting to conceal you condone, so we can argue this out in good faith.

— J Grady (@DrJoGrady) August 23, 2018

Nando’s employee : “hi have you been here before? “

My friend if I close my eyes I can recite to you the whole menu

— SonderSon (@24Vincenzo_) September 16, 2018