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If you’ve ever found yourself somewhat confused by the logic of the imperial system — you know, pounds, ounces, all that good stuff — you’re not alone.
Because unlike the more modern metric system, which is fairly logical when it comes to the way different measures and weights are broken down, the imperial system just seems a bit… messier.
SEE ALSO: America, this Scottish person wants you to stop eating eggs wrong
Anyone who’s ever found themselves struggling to follow a recipe that contains the phrase “cup”, will understand.
Anyway, here to perfectly encapsulate your confusion is this Scottish video games programmer, who on Monday evening went on an epic 45-tweet rant about the issue.
Here’s the entire thread, in all its rage-fuelled glory:
JUST LEARNED THERE ARE 16 OUNCES IN A POUND AND I AM FUCKING LIVID
— moth dad (@innesmck) November 26, 2018
i have had no reason to actually look into imperial measurements until now and frankly i immediately regret it finding this out
— moth dad (@innesmck) November 26, 2018
it makes some sense though because a pound is defined as being 7000 grains so that makes each ounce a nice round…
437.5 grains
— moth dad (@innesmck) November 26, 2018
and then, oh my word, oh my fucking actual god
— moth dad (@innesmck) November 26, 2018
you’ll never get it, it would be fucking impossible to guess this
— moth dad (@innesmck) November 26, 2018
THERE ARE FOURTEEN POUNDS IN A STONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
— moth dad (@innesmck) November 26, 2018
THAT’S A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FUCKING NUMBER! FYI!!!!
— moth dad (@innesmck) November 26, 2018
THERE’S LITERALLY NO WAY TO KNOW HOW MANY OUNCES ARE IN A STONE!! NO-ONE CAN KNOW THIS
— moth dad (@innesmck) November 26, 2018
“but innes you can just multiply up the fourteen by sixteen and you’ll g-“
NO
MATHS HAS CLEARLY ABANDONED US. NUMBERS MEAN NOTHING AT THIS POINT
— moth dad (@innesmck) November 26, 2018
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF ANTIQUATED JOKE SYSTEM ARE PEOPLE WORKING WITH
— moth dad (@innesmck) November 26, 2018
my mum: wow count yourself lucky you only need to learn your 10 times tables, when i was a kid we had to go up to 12
me, a child: oh, for weights and stuff?
mum, a liar: sure
— moth dad (@innesmck) November 26, 2018
TURNS OUT NO-ONE ON THE PLANET IS TRAINED TO WORK WITH THESE FUCKED UP NUMBERS. THEY JUST MAKE STUFF UP. NO-ONE KNOWS HOW MUCH A POUND IS BECAUSE IF THEY’D EVER USED THIS BULLSHIT SYSTEM THERE WOULD BE RIOTS
— moth dad (@innesmck) November 26, 2018
HOW DO YOU ALL OWN THE SAME SIZE OF CUP
WHO HAS A MONOPOLY ON THE ONE GOOD CUP SIZE
— moth dad (@innesmck) November 26, 2018
PRESUMABLY THIS IS JUST STRAIGHT UP BULLSHIT TOO TO COVER FOR THE FACT THAT NO-ONE KNOWS HOW MANY ANY QUANTITY OF ANYTHING IS
— moth dad (@innesmck) November 26, 2018
me: so, the recipe calls for 2 lbs 3 oz of flour, you got that?
you: uhhhh, sure. yeah. that’s like… 3 cups, probably. this is a great system.
— moth dad (@innesmck) November 26, 2018
PRESUMABLY. I ASSUME THAT’S THE ORDER WE’RE GOING IN
— moth dad (@innesmck) November 26, 2018
though judging from american dates IT IS KINDA HARD TO TELL
— moth dad (@innesmck) November 26, 2018
so what’s heavier, a ton of feathers or a ton of gold?
— moth dad (@innesmck) November 26, 2018
IT’S THE TON OF GOLD BECAUSE UNDER IMPERIAL MEASUREMENTS THESE ARE COMPLETELY FUCKING DIFFERENT SCALES
— moth dad (@innesmck) November 26, 2018
SEE ALSO: WOOL, COINS, MYSTERY ENGLISH ILLEGAL POUND, MISCELLANEOUS
— moth dad (@innesmck) November 26, 2018
THE ONE JOKE WHICH MAKES IT CLEAR THAT MASS IS A UNIVERSAL METHOD OF COMPARISON REGARDLESS OF MATERIAL HAS NO BEARING ON THE FUCKED UP BIZARRO WORLD OF YESTERDAY THAT IS THE IMPERIAL SYSTEM
— moth dad (@innesmck) November 26, 2018
I’VE GONE MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE BELIEVING THE IMPERIAL SYSTEM WAS DIFFERENT, SURE, BUT I THOUGHT IT HAD AT LEAST SOME GROUNDING IN REALITY
— moth dad (@innesmck) November 26, 2018
I CANT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU’VE DONE THIS TO ME
— moth dad (@innesmck) November 26, 2018
Have you ever wondered how many pounds are in a hundredweight?
That’s an actual name of an actual measure.
Go on, guess.— Pete
(@muddyfox50) November 26, 2018
THIS IS WHY IM NOT TAKING ANY OF YOUR SHIT WHEN YOU TRY AND TELL ME FAHRENHEIT IS A MORE LOGICAL SYSTEM
— moth dad (@innesmck) November 26, 2018
i cant take this right now im going for a fucking walk
— moth dad (@innesmck) November 26, 2018
everyone is just saying terrible number conversions at me i hate this
— moth dad (@innesmck) November 26, 2018
trying to get to sleep but all i can hear is your voices chanting “pints a pound the world around” over and over in my brain
— moth dad (@innesmck) November 27, 2018
i still don’t entirely know what it means but I am 100% fucking sure it’s not even true
— moth dad (@innesmck) November 27, 2018
Mic. Dropped.
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