Stormy Daniel’s description of Trump’s penis ruins Mario games forever

We all know by now to expect the completely unexpected in the day-to-day world of the Donald Trump administration. But nothing could have prepared us for this, the day we found out about the overlap between Trump and Super Mario.

A copy of Stormy Daniels’ tell-all Full Disclosure fell into the hands of The Guardian, who shared this nugget with the world, illuminating the tryst Daniels had with Trump and forever altering the way we interact with the most popular video game franchise in history.

She describes Trump’s penis as “smaller than average” but “not freakishly small.”

“He knows he has an unusual penis,” Daniels writes. “It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool…

“I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart…

“It may have been the least impressive sex I’d ever had, but clearly, he didn’t share that opinion.”

It’s hardly the first time we’ve encountered a penis in Mario’s (allegedly) family-friendly world but it may be the most disturbing.

The reaction across the web this morning has been a casual mix of disgust, horror, fascination, and, occasionally, correction. 

SEE ALSO: 7 ways ‘The Simpsons’ predicted the chaos of Donald Trump’s presidency

Of course, we all know the way this inevitably ends, right?

God help us, please.