2018 was another banner year for animal crime.

From the horse who broke into a bar to the admirable dog who conned her way into free McDonald’s, the scammer spirit was strong in the animal community (mostly in the interest of food). A few animals even got arrested, although none of them quite measure up to 2016’s pelican in a cop car.

SEE ALSO: People really loved bean burritos in 2018, according to Grubhub

A few of this year’s most notable offenders:

1. The feline invaders

When two cats sprinted into an industrial kitchen in South Africa last month, one of the workers was scared enough to leap onto a counter for safety. Bad cats, bad cats.

2. The fish-stealing otter

This otter evaded capture for weeks after eating 10 fish from a koi pond in Vancouver. Dude, just find somewhere else to fish.

3. The pup too fluffy for prison

Bungle was detailed after biting a police officer on a street in Towcester, UK. Luckily, he’s so cute that a fairly large social media campaign in his favor emerged. Now, he is free and with his family once more.

4. The otters who disrupted the marriage industrial complex

Who are we kidding? We love these otters who interrupted an engagement. Thankfully, so did the couple.

5. The lawbreaking turkey who became mayor

Smoke the turkey evaded capture from police until he eventually received an honorary mayorship. A politician through and through!

6. The extremely nosy cat

Please, no one ever teach this cat about personal space.

7. The dog who accidentally shot his owner

Charlie, a 120-pound Rottweiler-mix, was sitting in the front seat of the car when he got his foot caught in the trigger of Gilligan’s gun, accidentally shooting a round into his owner, Tex Harold Gilligan. The man suffered three broken ribs, a punctured lung, and a broken scapula, but he still forgave Charlie. Now that’s a friendship.

8. The dog who scammed McDonald’s customers

One of our personal heroes, Princess the dog, spent her October posted up outside a local McDonald’s. People assumed she was a stray, felt bad for her, and fed her hamburgers — but she actually has an owner and a comfortable home. 

“If you see my dog @ the McDonald’s on shields, quit feeding her fat ass,” her owner wrote on Facebook. “She’s just a gold diggin ass bitch that be acting like she’s a stray so people will feel bad for her & feed her burgers.”

9. The racehorse who walked (ran) into a bar

Is there anything more satisfying than watching an escaped racehorse absolutely destroy a French betting bar? No, there is not.

10. The penguin who loves to untie shoelaces

This penguin is just a good, old-fashioned asshole. The best kind!

11. The carb-loading raccoon

In September, wedding planner Jenny Serwylo woke up in the middle of the night to find that three raccoons had broken into her kitchen. She was able to fend two of them off with a broom, but one remained — and ate an English muffin while making direct eye contact with her.

12. The horny dolphin

A beach in the north of France was forced to close when a horny dolphin named Zafar wouldn’t stop harassing visitors. We’ll say it: This dolphin was too horny.

13. The parrot who told a firefighter to “fuck off”

The London Fire Brigade stepped in to rescue Jessie, a parrot who’d gotten stranded on a roof. But when rescuers reached the bird, she greeted them with a loud “Fuck off!” She also said, “I love you,” though, so it all evens out.

14. The deer who swam laps

Desperate for low-impact exercise, this deer snuck into a family pool in New Jersey to swim a few laps. When it was discovered by local police, it took a few moments to lounge poolside then sprinted into the woods, presumably to find a better place to work out.

15. The pug who got arrested

A very soft-looking pug named Bean was captured by police in July after trespassing on private property. Luckily, she was reunited with her owner quickly.

16. The kangaroo who wanted to be goalie

In June, a kangaroo delayed a match between two Australian soccer teams when it hopped onto the field and stood in front of the goal. Who knows? Maybe it would have been a really good player. Give it a chance!

17. The dog who ate through a wall

What else is there to say? This dog ate through the wall and insulation behind a dryer, then got her head stuck in the dryer vent. (Don’t worry; she’s OK now.)

18. The turkey who pooped inside the T-Mobile store

Who among us?

19. The dog in the back of a cop car

This dog was placed in the back of a police car after running away from home, then attacking a deer.

“He’s a good boy,” his owner wrote. “He just hates deer.” Understandable.

Your stomach is an oil slick of Christmas cookies and tequila, and your skull feels like it’s filled with pulsing concrete. Looks like it’s 2019, baby!

For many, the New Year’s Day hangover is as familiar a tradition as the Times Square ball drop—but with less Auld Lang Syne and more watered-down Gatorade. Luckily, Netflix and Hulu are offering tons of phenomenal content to help us fast forward through our mornings/afternoons/day-and-a-halfs of misery. 

SEE ALSO: The best comfort entertainment of 2018

Broken down by specific post-party situations, here are 19 movies streaming right now to help you overcome your hangover woes. Godspeed, you warrior.

You’re nauseous.

When it comes to nailing the queasy cinematic experience, your film of choice must be engaging enough to distract you from wanting to hurl, but not so special effects heavy that your couch turns into Space Mountain. Here are a few picks that fit the bill:

Election (1999) 

This timeless face-off between social studies teacher Jim McAllister (Matthew Broderick) and student government icon Tracy Flick (Reese Witherspoon) is now streaming on Hulu. Think modern day politics meets Mean Girls meets Nebraska.

Silver Linings Playbook (2012)

The dramatic comedy that earned Jennifer Lawrence her Oscar, this love story/ode to the Philadelphia Eagles/special edition of Dancing with the Stars is streaming on Netflix.

I, Tonya (2017)

At the peak of ice skating season, this biographical film of Olympic figure skater Tonya Harding (Margot Robbie) is streaming on Hulu. Warning: there’s a really rough knee injury and also an unbearably cute bird. 

The Theory of Everything (2014) 

Another biopic, this drama chronicling the life of theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking is now streaming on Netflix. Eddie Redmayne, who won an Oscar for his role as Hawking, shines throughout. You’ll hardly remember how much you want to throw up. 

You’ve got a bad headache.

First, drink some water. Second, select a film that is the equivalent of your mother gently stroking your hair while you snuggle a kitten upon a velvety cloud of butterfly kisses. Perhaps one of the following feel-good flicks will suffice: 

Big (1988) 

If there’s one movie that can quietly lull anyone to sleep, it’s Big. A kid ages up overnight into Tom Hanks, and spends his time doing stuff like playing a giant piano. Now streaming on Hulu.

Hearts Beat Loud (2018)

Nick Offerman as a doting dad who plays guitar and owns a vinyl shop. Need I say more? Complete with a soundtrack that totally slaps, this heartfelt love letter to dads and daughters is now streaming on Hulu. 

Midnight in Paris (2011) 

The only thing not completely delightful about this Owen Wilson flick is how insufferable Rachel McAdams’ character is. (It’s okay, that’s the point. She does a great job.) Perfect for reminiscing on better times—like before you had that fourth shot of peppermint schnapps—this nostalgic comedy is now streaming on Hulu.

Mamma Mia! (2008)

You’ll need to watch the volume on this one, but no amount of Tylenol can compare to the healing effects of ABBA. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll probably call your dad. Now streaming on Netflix.

You’re wallowing in your shame.

You’re not exactly sure what, but something is telling you to be very embarrassed. Lucky for you, Hollywood is chock-full of characters doing things way more humiliating than whatever trash you pulled last night. Try some of these “well, at least I didn’t do that“ sagas:

Colossal (2016)

One thing you didn’t do last night: become a gigantic robot and subsequently crush the city of Seoul. The complete embodiment of wondering “what did I do when I was drunk?” Colossal is now streaming on Hulu.  

Ingrid Goes West (2017) 

Last night you probably didn’t spray mace into the face on an unsuspecting bride… but if you did, at least you and Ingrid (Aubrey Plaza) can relate. Now streaming on Hulu.

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)

Note to self: do not write love letters to everyone you have ever had a crush on, seal them in addressed envelopes, and then just leave them around to be accidentally sent. Your awkward midnight kiss could not have been worse (or as cute) as Lara Jean Covey’s misadventures in love, now streaming on Netflix. 

I Love You, Man (2009)

Unless you purchased a number of billboards last night, nothing you did is more embarrassing than the character arc of Peter Klaven in I Love You, Man. Starring Paul Rudd and Jason Segel, this classic aughts comedy is streaming on Netflix.

You need to sober up, now.

Maybe scheduling brunch with your significant other’s parents for January 1st wasn’t such a great idea. Regardless, you have about three hours until you need to be first impression ready and honestly? You’re still a little very drunk. Try some coffee and maybe stream one of these intense, gripping dramas to get your blood flowing:

District 9 (2009) 

Nothing says, “Wow, I should be paying attention more!” like an alien invasion turned human rights allegory. A little too real, this unsettling found footage project is now streaming on Netflix. 

The Hateful Eight (2015) 

Only a shot of whisky (or a fall off a horse) could wake you up like Quentin Tarantino’s critically-acclaimed western. Starring Samuel L. Jackson, Kurt Russell, Jennifer Jason Leigh and five other talented actors, this breakneck journey is available on Netflix.

No Country for Old Men (2007) 

Based off Cormac McCarthy’s novel of the same name, this terrifying crime thriller stars Javier Bardem and a surprising application of compressed air. You have been warned: it gets rough. Now on Netflix. 

You’re trying that hair of the dog strategy.

Sometimes the only solution to too much partying is more partying. But don’t go it alone. Instead, let one of these wild, cinematic nights accompany your wild, groggy morning. Happy New Years, ya filthy animal.

When We First Met (2018)

Groundhog’s Day, but with romance and booze! This Adam DeVine comedy relives the same party on repeat just like you’re doing with that leftover wine right now. Streaming on Netflix. 

Magic Mike (2012)

Not unlike Channing Tatum’s rock-hard abs, Magic Mike just does not get old. If it’s before noon and you’re cracking open a beer, no reason you can’t enjoy some light stripping too—and from the comfort of your couch no less. Streaming on Netflix. 

The Overnight (2015)

Featuring Jason Schwartzman in his most ridiculous role since Scott Pilgrim, The Overnight is a super weird drug and alcohol infused playdate that turns harmless fun into an unsettling fever dream. It’s a ride that’s now streaming on Netflix. 

The Big Lebowski (1998)

When searching for a hangover coach, look no further than The Dude. An ode to enlightenment, chillness, and interior furnishing, this Coen brothers cult classic is what morning afters are made of. Now streaming on Netflix.

And now for “27 ways to feel bad about yourself while the last piece of Christmas pudding you’ve ‘indulged’ in is still making its way through your intestinal tract…”

As the new year dawns, you’ll notice that without ANY space to breathe whatsoever, what was once a newsfeed saturated with sequins, pints and party platters becomes one bursting at the seams with resistance bands, Nutri Bullets and all manner of “New Year, New You” rhetoric.

If that works for you, great. If it doesn’t, keep on reading…

SEE ALSO: Holiday stress is real. How you can cope with it all.

If you find all of this relentless (and, at times, negative) then join the club. I’ve decided I’m over it. I’ve clicked the “unsubscribe” button and it’s incredibly liberating.

“New Year, New You” regimes are framed in such a way that they seem motivating, uplifting and encouraging. The reality is they’re designed to sell gym members and juice cleanses at a time when they’re most marketable and we’re most vulnerable. The sheer volume and velocity of this kind of content coming at us from every angle — while we’re still polishing off the last of the mince pies — can make us feel as though we’ve already failed within the first few minutes of the new year. 

Add to the mix, the pressure of New Year’s resolutions — which suggest that regardless of our current situation, we have much to improve upon; that we need to be better. We’re encouraged to set out a new set of goals, towards which to move to in the hopes of finding what we all want: happiness. We’ve barely finished the last verse of Auld Lang Syne and already, we’re exhausted, defeated and riddled with festive guilt. 

But here’s a thought: instead of subscribing to what’s become a very tired narrative, this year, let January be yours. There are so many reasons why you might consider this.

1. You can start anything any time.

While the first month of the year offers us a convenient fresh start, it’s still as arbitrary as the beginning of any other week — aka Monday. January doesn’t need to be *the* specific month where we all make massive changes in tandem. I began exercising regularly two years ago in the month of November. It was irrelevant to me that Christmas was coming. I knew that if I pursued it in January (when the whole world of social media is competing to out-do one another) I’d feel unnecessary, added pressure.

2. January is grim enough.

Unless you’re reading this from the Southern hemisphere, January is the most miserable month of the year. If we were bears in the woods, we’d be deep in hibernation, smuggling comfort food to enjoy between naps. Can we at least pick a less grim time of year to insist on being so hard on ourselves? Here’s an idea: How about reframing January as the month to be kind to yourself. Instead of a “New Year, New You”, how about a “New Year, perfectly-fine-as-you-are you”?

3. Wave goodbye to social comparison.

It may feel like everyone else is getting up at 5am for yoga seven days a week while you can’t drag yourself to the gym even once. Or people’s bowls of porridge look like a Pinterest-perfect work of art while yours looks like something the dog threw up. But this way of thinking isn’t unusual. From the beginning of time, we’ve been comparing ourselves to others to get a sense of how well (or not) we’re doing — or as a measure of our self worth. The arrival of a new year gives rise to that type of comparison in even greater doses. I call it “social comparison on speed”.

The thing is, with social comparison, someone will always come out on top. And that also means someone will be at the bottom — you or the person you’re comparing yourself to. It creates a culture of one-upmanship, which will inevitably have a negative spin on it. Nothing good can come of this; I assure you. You either come away feeling inadequate or with a sense of being better than someone else. 

4. Become acquainted with temporal comparison

Yes, someone else may have climbed Mount Everest before you’ve even taken down your Christmas tree, but you are you and not them. Instead of comparing our reality to everyone else’s highlights reel, this January choose something more positive and realistic: temporal comparison.

According to renowned American psychologist Leon Festinger, “temporal comparison” is when you compare yourself today with yourself of another time, rather than yourself now with someone else. It’s more “look how far you’ve come” than “look how much better they are than you”. It encourages you to settle into your own lane, at your own pace, on your own route, taking into account all that is relative to you and you alone.

Having struggled with crippling anxiety a few years ago, to the point where I couldn’t leave my own home for fear of having a panic attack, I now see it as a personal improvement — and achievement — that I can go about my life without hyperventilating into a paper bag. To someone who has never felt the faintest flutter of anxiety, feeling good in a packed shopping centre wouldn’t even register as a small victory, but for me it does. It’s all relative.

5. Goals aren’t everything.

For all the self-help books in the world, and all the philosophers and poets who try to answer the question about what happiness is really all about, it can basically be distilled down to this: It’s about the moments. The in-betweens. The here and now. With that in mind, I’m reconsidering this whole January goal-setting business. Hear me out.

Instead of being driven by achieving a certain goal — which for one person might be getting a promotion, and for another might be getting a certain amount of followers on social media — I have decided to be driven first and foremost by the kind of life I want to live: my lifestyle. Not what I want to have, or where I want to get to, but how I want to spend my time, right now, next week and so on. If more money means a job that comes with more stress and no time for doing that things I enjoy, then I’ll be asking myself: Is this a goal that will have a positive impact on my happiness? I don’t think so.

6. It’s true what they say; it’s all about the journey 

The journey towards an elusive goal is every bit as important as the destination. When you strike a goal off your list, you might experience a temporary surge of happiness or satisfaction, but then you will inevitably settle back to a level of contentment — or lack thereof — dictated by the quality of your day-to-day lifestyle as well as your perspective. In the psychology world it’s known as “hedonic adaptation“. Netflix’s Happy documentary from 2011 makes a compelling argument for this.

It’s about the moments. The in betweens. The here and now.

I know too many people who are so goal-focused that they struggle to enjoy the lulls in between these peaks and troughs. When they achieve their goals, they don’t know quite what to do with them. And just like that, they’re onto the next thing.

What will make the most of your moments? At what cost will you achieve these isolated goals? Goals certainly have their place, and they can be a great motivator, but instead of hurtling towards what you think will make you happy, let your goals be informed by the kind of moments you want to have.

So, if you insist on resolving to do something, do this: go easy on yourself, be your own benchmark for success. And think about the kind of lifestyle you want to live. Happy New Year.

Caroline Foran is a journalist and a best-selling author of “Owning It: Your Bullshit Free Guide to Living With Anxiety” and “The Confidence Kit: Your Bullsh*t-Free Guide to Owning Your Fear“.

Queen rocker Brian May used to beg his parents to stay up late, so he could learn about the stars.

Now six decades later, the guitar legend turned astrophysicist has released an arena rock song composed for both the farthest away object humanity has ever visited — Ultima Thule — and the spacecraft sent to scour this distant world, NASA’s New Horizons probe. 

“This mission is about human curiosity — the need for mankind to go out there and explore what makes the universe tick,” May said Monday at the Johns Hopkins Applied Physics Laboratory in Maryland, site of the New Horizons headquarters. 

“I hope you will enjoy it,” added May, who released the song two minutes after midnight local time, during the first minutes of the 2019. “I hope it’s worthy of this amazing cause.” 

The song (embedded below) features May’s big guitar riffs and chanting vocals.

At 12:33 a.m. ET on New Year’s Day, the New Horizons probe will swoop just 2,200 miles from Ultima Thule’s surface — a world 4 billion miles away, and 1 billion miles past Pluto. Detailed images won’t be available immediately, as it takes around six hours for the data to arrive back on Earth. But unprecedented snapshots of Ultima will be released in increasingly improved detail over the first few days of 2019. 

Ultima Thule exists in a profoundly frigid zone of the solar system where temperatures are near absolute zero — which is as cold it gets (minus 460 degrees Fahrenheit). In this realm of frozen worlds, known as the Kuiper Belt, scientists believe objects have been preserved for some 4 billion years in their primordial state, when the universe formed. 

Going there can give planetary scientists a view into our solar system’s distant past, and deduce just what transpired ages ago.

“The Kuiper Belt is just a scientific wonderland,” Alan Stern, principal investigator of the New Horizons mission, said on Sunday.  

May, who has researched dust clouds in the solar system, will be joining Stern and his planetary science team as they receive and analyze data from the New Horizons spacecraft.

“I’m not a tourist. I’m not a celebrity. I’m here to work and discover,” May said. 

SEE ALSO: A woman sued NASA to keep a vial of moon dust. She might have made a huge mistake.

On Monday, scientists at the Johns Hopkins Applied Physics Laboratory repeatedly underscored how little anyone still knows about Ultima Thule. 

“Anything is possible out there in this very unknown region,”  said New Horizons deputy project scientist John Spencer. 

But beginning Jan. 1, 2019, Ultima Thule will be far less mysterious, once the first images arrive.

You, me, and the scientists alike won’t be in the dark for much longer. 

“The fact that we don’t know anything about this makes it the most desirable object possible,” said May.