Surreal memes deserve their own internet dimension

2017%252f10%252f20%252fa0%252fchloebryan11.0b114.jpg%252f90x90By Chloe Bryan

In November, the surreal meme creator @surrealvault decided to shutter her merch shop, which had existed for only two days. Though she’d originally seen the store as a viable way to monetize her page, she ended up feeling uncomfortable with the idea. “Surrealism exists to confuse, amaze, inspire and entertain,” she wrote on Instagram. “It should not be a medium for me to earn money.”

What constitutes a surreal meme is hard to explain, but once you’ve seen a few, you begin to recognize common signifiers. There’s the Zalgo text, the Clip Art fonts, the recurring characters like Meme Man and Orang. Most importantly, there’s the impenetrable irony. When you look at a surreal meme, you feel a little disoriented even if you think it’s funny, because you’re not sure what you’re laughing at. Don’t feel bad if you don’t quite get it: A concise definition of “surreal meme” does not exist.

Surreal memes are based on a concept called “layers of irony,” which, according to Know Your Meme, stemmed from a four-panel comic on a Facebook page called Special meme fresh. (The page is still active.) The idea deals with a common plight among meme enthusiasts: Marred by brands and diluted by ubiquity, meme culture has become so stupid that there’s no way to enjoy it in its mainstream state. If you want to make a meme that is truly enjoyable for its own sake, you must imbue it with an ironic detachment so advanced that it actually reads as nonsense. It must operate on a plane functionally separate from reality.

It’s this lack of grounding that has helped surreal memes to endure. They contain no explicit cultural references (with a few exceptions), so the genre can’t just be phased out; they’re not overtly political, so they can’t really milkshake duck. They can’t even be problematic, because despite their bizarre-but-weirdly-potent commentary on the human condition, they’re not really about anything. Do they have something to say? Often, yes. But they’re not going to stay in this realm to do it.

Surreal memes, which you’ve probably seen even if you don’t know the term, have enjoyed something rare on the internet: longevity. The subreddit r/surrealmemes, a top destination for the genre, has been around for just under three years, and surreal memes have been popping up on forums and Facebook pages since at least 2015.

On r/surrealmemes, moderators appear to be stricter than many Instagram creators, trying their best to keep content fully separate from modern reality. For instance, there’s a strict rule against using brand names in memes (although fake brands are OK).

When you look at a surreal meme, you feel a little disoriented even if you think it’s funny, because you’re not sure what you’re laughing at. 

“We would … like to enforce that these memes are referencing a state of ‘beyond reality’ absurdism, and for this reason we don’t like to see memes that reference real brands, people, or elements of pop culture,” mod Maester_Patrick explained. “Furthermore, we see no reason to allow our sub to be milked [by brands].”

Political references are similarly banned. (“Don’t even use images of politicians,” one of the rules says.) It’s not that surreal memes can’t be political at all; in fact, quite a few have a leftist bent. But, like mentioning brand names, mentioning political figures in a meme anchors it to reality, which instantly precludes it from being surreal. It has lost the “beyond reality” effect.

Even beyond specific subreddit rules, there’s a perpetual push within the surreal meme community to keep the memes as surreal as possible, imposing a divide between purists and the rest of the meme economy. Surreal memers want to occupy a different space than the rest of the meme economy: the obnoxious brands and the people who dunk on brands and the criminal curators and yes, even the world record egg. As Louise Matsakis wrote for Motherboard in 2017, surreal memes often seem like the internet’s “last escape,” safe from co-opting, monetization, and FuckJerry.

You won’t find brands using surreal memes. A few brands recognize some trappings of the genre — Steak-umm recently attempted something surreal-adjacent, for example — but they can’t really participate fully. 

This is partially because the surreal meme community is impenetrable (and perhaps a little pretentious), but it’s also because the standards for a good surreal meme are constantly being updated and constricted. Motifs that gain in popularity quickly become old hat, leaving the door open for fresher, even stranger memes to emerge. This creates a twofold problem for mainstream entities looking to cash in: Not only would they have to crack an impossible code, but they’d have to keep pace, too.

“There are many things that have been absolutely done to death, for example: Zalgo text, space or gradient backgrounds, word font art or cooltext, images which are effectively just deep fried memes, and things which are just random,” Maester_Patrick explained. (He admitted that he’s probably one of the stricter mods.) “Of all things we lack originality, and because of the loose definition of what a surreal meme is, it’s very easy to churn out mediocre shitposts.”

And the ideal surreal meme? In Maester_Patrick’s view, it “preserves elements of traditional surrealism.” It engages with the subconscious mind and eschews rational thought in the tradition of artists like René Magritte and Salvador Dalí. (Dalí’s lobster telephone wouldn’t feel out of place on a surreal memes page.) Other enthusiasts, though, favor a more Lovecraftian approach, continuing to embrace the obscure Unicode and oblique Cthulhu references that Maester_Patrick is tired of.

That’s a lot for a brand to keep up with — especially one that, as he says, is “already ideal prey for r/fellowkids (a subreddit dedicated to mocking brands’ bad attempts at participating in youth culture).” It makes sense, then, that brands mostly stay away.

And so surreal memes remain not only deeply weird, but mostly unburdened by capitalism, as if they truly exist in another dimension.

To be fair, there are creators who use surreal memes to make money. On Instagram, several accounts have Redbubble shops where they sell merch based on their creations. There’s nothing wrong with that, necessarily — people should be allowed to responsibly profit from their work.

“I initially wanted to start [a merch page] because I wanted to make money,” @surrealvault, who is a student, explained. “The account had just taken off and I felt like I could cash in.”

But ultimately, she just didn’t see surreal memes and money as compatible. “The surreal meme community as a a whole … it’s very important for us to stay away from the mainstream meme community,” she explained. “If you start to monetize something, whether you want to or not, you become part of the mainstream.”

She needn’t worry: Surreal memes probably won’t hit the mainstream, at least not anytime soon. The community is too insular, the memes far too bizarre. Most importantly, surreal memes won’t be co-opted because their creators don’t want them to be. Instead, they’ll just keep g̵e̶t̸t̸i̸n̸g̶ ̸w̷e̴i̷r̷d̶e̷r̵.̵

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‘Kingdom Hearts III’ sticks with formula to make Disney magic happen

Kingdom Hearts fans know what it is to wait. 

We know what it is to pore over decades of lore for clues and parse storylines that arrive fragmented, with missing information. We are the ones who waited 14 years between Kingdom Hearts II and Kingdom Hearts III, trusting Square Enix to deliver a finale that was worth our effort and our study. 

Our wait is over and Kingdom Hearts III is here. It’s exactly as magical as we remember, with an extra helping of big box features and homicidally effective Disneyland rides. It’s definitely worth the wait.

As for that finale… well. Let’s maybe start at the beginning.

SEE ALSO: ‘Kingdom Hearts III’ may have leaked, but its biggest spoilers are still safe

Once upon a time in Kingdom Hearts

Image: square

It’s useless to judge Kingdom Hearts III on whether or not it’s playable to someone who wants to jump into the franchise with this game. The core structure — Disney-themed worlds serving as a backdrop to an intensely convoluted original story — has always meant that Kingdom Hearts games are half recognizable to everyone on the planet and half unintelligible to anyone who doesn’t literally study the game’s internal lore. 

I fall somewhere in the middle of those types of players, having watched many a recap of the plot before starting but still a little unable to keep track of Xehanort’s evil plan du jour, and found the game to be completely enjoyable. The Disney worlds (more about those later) are more or less contained stories and the resolution of the main plot is action-packed and emotional regardless of one’s personal attachment to the characters. 

That said, even without the series holding players’ hands before dumping them at the end of a nine-game saga, Kingdom Hearts III still suffers a little from its own machinations. In its haste to set up the next chapter (and having finished the game, I can tell you there is going to be a next chapter), it wastes a lot of this game’s precious time. There’s a lot of plot to get through, and finding out at the end of the game that certain newly introduced mysteries won’t matter until Kingdom Hearts IV: Dream A Little Dream For Me 420 Blaze It comes out on the Playstation 7 is a little hard to swallow. 

And yet! As a contained element in the series, and as the ostensible end of this section of the Kingdom Hearts franchise, III is good. Great, even. Here’s why.

I can show you the worlds 

Image: SQUARE ENIX

The original miracle of branding at the center of Kingdom Hearts is its existence as a Disney property. “Watch Disney Princesses kick ass” was how I was sold on the games over a decade ago, and III of course continues in that grand tradition; the arenas of exploration and battle are more Disneyfied than ever before.

Each of its eight Disney worlds do a great job capturing the visual style of their source movies, with the Pixar worlds of Monsters, Inc. and Toy Story in particular looking like perfectly animated extensions of their films. While the game still chunks its “open” worlds into loadable areas (would it feel like a Kingdom Hearts game if it didn’t?), the complexity of the levels and the attention to Disney detail makes almost all of them feel like fulfilling adventures.

Some of the worlds have better stories than others, like the Kingdom of Corona’s rehash of Tangled that puts Sora at the center of that very good movie’s action. Others excel in spite of their plots, as The Caribbean’s naval combat and underwater exploration are significantly more interesting than rewatching the third most recent Pirates of the Caribbean movie. 

While all of the worlds look good and are entertaining to play around in, the Disney characters lend Kingdom Hearts III lots of charm, sentiment, and fun. I cannot overstate how awesome it is to watch Woody from Toy Story read an iconic Kingdom Hearts villain to filth, or to ride around San Fransokyo on Baymax, or dance with Rapunzel in the village square. It’s magic! It’s immersive! It’s Disney as hell. It’s Kingdom Hearts, baby.

A game worth fighting for

Image: SQUARE ENIX

Combat in Kingdom Hearts is fairly simple on paper. Boy gets key, boy sees monster, boy whacks monster with key until a heart pops out, boy continues to do so until the metaphorical/literal heart of the universe is safe from the time-traveling wizard megalomaniac with several backup bodies and a squad of leather daddies.

It’s a song as old as rhyme. And Kingdom Hearts III goes in for the remix. 

I mean, yes, the basics of Kingdom Hearts combat are the same in III, in that keyblades are used in a basic attack/block/recovery formation, but the types of keyblades available and their form changes are a much bigger deal this time around, as are the new attractions.

Attractions are a new combat mechanic triggered by attacking enemies highlighted with a green circle in the midst of a regular battle. Attacking that enemy adds a Disney theme park attraction— which one depends on the situation — to your action queue that can unleash hot, magical hell on your enemies in the most adorable way possible. 

The first time I triggered an attraction I did so by be accident: I was fighting normally and suddenly became a boat. I accepted that I was a boat, I pressed X when prompted, and when I stopped being a boat, everyone was dead. 

The moral of this story is that attractions are very powerful and very easy to deploy accidentally. No, really, it’s super common to try and pick up a sprig of parsley and instead summon a deadly carousel made of light and sound. 

Aside from attractions, which are especially fun in boss fights, there are some fancy new keyblades to play with, some of which have astounding form changes that are powerful for any playstyle. With the right keyblade Sora can build Rapunzel’s tower, wave a pirate flag straight through a Heartless’s head, slather folks in sticky honey, and yank enemies around the field with merciless mechanical arms. Thanks for those, Hiro.

Going the distance

Image: SQUARE ENIX

A lot about video games has changed since Kingdom Hearts II. In addition to getting through the main campaign of most big box titles, players have come to expect photo modes, collectibles, and mini challenges that offer more combat-free playtime. Kingdom Hearts III finds a way to cram all of those in by introducing one simple, if incongruous, mechanic: The Gummiphone. 

Put simply, the Gummiphone is Sora’s smartphone, gifted to him by royal engineers Chip and Dale. It’s a plot point within the game itself, as there are several moments where Sora checks in on other characters via video call, but it’s also an important tool that helps update the franchise’s older mechanics. 

The Gummiphone is capable of playing minigames, which are found by scanning QR codes found on posters and in secret chests hidden around the worlds. It also functions as Jiminy Cricket’s journal this time around and stores information about past adventures, characters, and anything else you might want to look up mid-game. 

Above all (OK, some) of these Gummiphone features is the camera, which is useful in three separate ways. First, it’s essentially the game’s photo mode and it’s a gas to take selfies with Disney characters. Second, it’s a way to unlock valuable synthesizer recipes, as the Moogle Shop won’t unveil certain items until you bring them a picture of a specific statue, person, location, or enemy.  Third, using the camera is only way to unlock Kingdom Hearts III’s secret ending. 

The secret ending is connected to your in-game collection of Lucky Symbols, which are really just Disneyland-style Hidden Mickeys placed all over the game’s many worlds. Mickey Mouse’s distinctive head-and-ears shapes can appear anywhere — carved into a wall or in a pile of rocks — and aside from having to snap a certain number of them to get the ending, collecting pictures of them leads to in-game rewards. 

Finally, and unrelated to the Gummiphone, is the Bistro. The Bistro restaurant in Twilight Town is the home of Kingdom Hearts III’s cooking minigame, which requires collecting ingredients from every world and also having very, very sensitive button reflexes. The restaurant is run by Scrooge McDuck and staffed by Remy the cooking rat from Ratatouille, who is never named and is instead referred to as “Little Chef” despite him being a complex character in his own movie that… you know what? Never mind. 

Narrative injustice aside, the Bistro is one of my favorite parts of Kingdom Hearts III because hey, I’m a sucker for fancy food. Some may find the ingredient hunting aspect of the game irritating, mainly because either Donald or Goofy will interrupt literally everyone to yell, “This might be a good spot to find some ingredients” when some collectibles are in the area, but for me the payoff of cracking a perfect egg or making an item off the secret menu is worth it. 

Completing menu items leads to in-game bonuses from Scrooge as well as food for your inventory, which can be arranged in five-course meals that offer temporary stat bonuses. Bon appétit! 

Do you wanna watch a cutscene?

Image: SQUARE ENIX

Any game with a lore as convoluted as Kingdom Hearts would struggle to convey the full scope of its narrative without resorting to cutscenes, but the franchise’s dependence on long, long pauses in its action to check in on other characters, proceed with conversations, and prolong its mysteries is kind of egregious in Kingdom Hearts III.

Seriously, make sure you have a snack for when you get hungry watching cutscenes. Hell, bring a full meal. You will have time to eat it. 

Some of the cutscenes approach the so-long-it’s-funny threshold, like when Queen Elsa sings the entirety of “Let It Go” in a shot-for-shot remake of Frozen while a weirded-out Sora & Friends watch from the mountain below. (After she sings, Sora remarks that he has no idea what he just saw.) Others are just long-long and so densely packed with plot information that it feels like progressing through a series of lectures on the topic of Hearts, Friendship, and whichever form of Xehanort you’re looking at right now. 

A lot has been said about the sappy dialogue and lackluster voice acting in Kingdom Hearts games, and unfortunately III is no exception to this tradition. Some of the character scenes are downright cringey and slow, with scenes going on for twice as long as they would if the characters spoke at a normal pace and didn’t pause awkwardly between lines (looking at you, Aqua and Riku). 

The drawn-out dialogue style is a feature and not a bug, which makes sense considering the characters live in a universe where feelings also have feelings. Yes, it’s annoying to hear everyone refer to the main trio as “Sora… Donald… Goofy” in a breathless tone as if group nouns were never invented, but at this point it’s part of the Kingdom Hearts charm that either works for you or doesn’t. 

I see the light 

Image: SQUARE ENIX

When I finally finished Kingdom Hearts III with 46 hours of playtime under my belt, having not left my apartment in five straight days, I remember feeling content. A little shocked, maybe, at all of the game’s many endings, and definitely fatigued for purely human reasons, but I felt nostalgically satisfied and pleased with myself. 

I was also thinking of how I was going to write this review, going over how darn cheesy some of the final lines are and how many times I rolled my eyes at the wide-eyed earnestness of the game’s morality. The game’s unchanging affectations made me feel self-consciously old, too cool to really buy into all the talk of hearts and love, but I also felt excited and somehow younger. Un–self-consciously happy. 

When I was first introduced to Kingdom Hearts II, I was 14 and a latecomer to video games in general. It was the first full console game I had ever played and it opened my eyes to what storytelling and characters could be like in what was to me a brand new medium. It didn’t seem cheesy back then, it felt real and thrilling. I was invested in Sora’s loyalty to Riku. I wanted to wring Demyx’s neck with my bare hands if he said “dance, water, dance” one more time. I cried when Axel sacrificed himself for Roxas. 

At the end of Kingdom Hearts III, all of those things ended up mattering, those plot points that made me love gaming in the first place. I felt embarrassed to be emotional about the ending, then was embarrassed for being embarrassed. Kingdom Hearts hadn’t changed. I was just older and getting in the way of my own enjoyment. 

If you love Kingdom Hearts, and if you’ve read to this point you probably do, know that Kingdom Hearts III is more of the same stuff that made you love the series. There are fancy new attacks and scavenger hunts and a few new Princesses to deal with, but its heart has always remained the same. 

Absolutely everyone who was alive to play the other games is different now, and that’s not a bad thing. I love the idea of this game being able to float me back into a time where I could cheer for Mickey Mouse without feeling silly and cry because Naminé was lonely. That feeling alone is worth the box price on Kingdom Hearts III

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to start again on Proud Mode. Nothing takes me back to my childhood like cussing out Donald’s stingy heals and what can I say? I’m in a nostalgic mood.

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Lowe: Celtics ‘Cautiously Optimistic’ over Re-Signing Kyrie Irving but ‘Shaken’

Boston Celtics' Kyrie Irving reacts after making a three-pointer during the first half of an NBA basketball game against the Oklahoma City Thunder in Boston, Sunday, Feb. 3, 2019. (AP Photo/Michael Dwyer)

Michael Dwyer/Associated Press

The Boston Celtics remain “cautiously optimistic” about keeping Kyrie Irving past this season, though “the events of the past week—Irving’s comments, New York opening up a second maximum salary slot—have shaken them,” according to Zach Lowe of ESPN.com.

Lowe added that “Boston is always confident. That is [Danny] Ainge’s default mindset. The league at large is much less confident, but it is hard to say who knows what, and with what level of reliability.”

Irving’s future with Boston seemed secure in October, when he publicly said he planned to re-sign with the Celtics after this season. But Irving—either tired of being asked about free agency or having changed his tune—told reporters last week to “Ask me July 1″ about free agency, per A. Sherrod Blakely of NBC Sports.

He added:

“At the end of the day, I’m going to do what’s best for my career. I spent the last eight years trying to do what everyone else wanted me to do—managers, other personnel—and I don’t owe anybody s–t. I still have confidence in Boston and what they can promise for the future and what we have in terms of pieces. That’s what excited me at the beginning of the season.”

Those comments raised eyebrows in Boston, as have Irving’s words throughout the season. He critiqued the team’s young players and later told reporters he called LeBron James and apologized for how he acted while the pair were in Cleveland

But perhaps more concerning for the Celtics was that the Knicks cleared a second max-salary slot in the Kristaps Porzingis trade, leaving open the possibility that Irving and another star player—Kevin Durant? Jimmy Butler?—could go to the Knicks this offseason.

Plus, the Knicks may be the one team that could top Boston’s best offer for Anthony Davis. If the Knicks win the 2019 draft lottery—and thus win the Zion Williamson sweepstakes—that pick would become arguably more valuable than any asset Boston could dangle, even Jayson Tatum. 

Add in potential pieces such as Kevin Knox and/or Dennis Smith Jr., and the Knicks could become the front-runner to land Davis (who has made it clear he doesn’t want to end up in Boston). That would almost immediately transform them into a free-agent destination and could entice Irving to the Big Apple.

But the Knicks won’t be the only team with salary-cap space this summer. The Los Angeles Lakers and James could make a push for Irving. So could the Los Angeles Clippers. With a bit of maneuvering, the Brooklyn Nets could have two max slots and could sell Irving on being the face of the franchise in a hip market.

The sharks are circling, and while Irving could decide the Celtics are the right fit this summer, it wouldn’t be surprising if he left. The balance of power in the NBA might hinge on where he signs, and the Celtics can’t do much besides make their case and wait.

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Lady Gaga Continues Her Awards Season Reign With A Grammys Performance


Cancel your Sunday plans and make a date with your sofa, because Lady Gaga is performing at the 2019 Grammys, multiple outlets reported Wednesday (February 6).

The six-time Grammy winner has been nominated for five awards this year, including Song of the Year and Record of the Year for the hit song “Shallow” from A Star Is Born. Of course, that’s what she’ll be performing as she takes to the stage. Savvy move, considering Oscar voting is coming up, and Gaga will want to take every chance she can get to remind the Academy what those pipes can do with the emotional song.

Unfortunately, Sunday’s ceremony won’t find Gaga’s A Star Is Born co-star Bradley Cooper in attendance alongside her, as he’s got his own award show to attend. He’s set to appear at the 2019 BAFTA Awards in London. A Star Is Born is up for seven nominations there, including Best Film and Best Adapted Screenplay.

Fortunately, you won’t have to wait long to see Gaga and Cooper join forces once more to bring the house down with “Shallow.” The two will be performing together at the 91st Academy Awards ceremony on Sunday, Feb. 24. Cooper is understandably nervous about joining Gaga again for the song, but we have faith they’ll crush it.

Gaga won her first Grammy at the 52nd Grammy Awards for Best Dance Recording for “Poker Face” and Best Dance/Electronic Album for The Fame. Last year’s show saw her album Joanne up for Best Pop Vocal Album and single “Million Reasons” nominated for Best Pop Solo Performance. It’s possible she could come away with several wins this year, which could put her in double-digits if “Shallow” happens to sweep.

We’ll have to watch and see what happens – it all goes down this weekend. This year’s Grammy award show is set for Sunday, February 10 at 8 p.m. ET/5 p.m. PT, broadcasting live from the Staples Center in Los Angeles. Get those tissues ready, because the emotion is going to jump out when Gaga cues up “Shallow.”

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Lyft adds EVs, ‘green mode’ to ride-hailing app

The Detroit Electric was an early electric car. Here it is near Mt. Rainer in Washington in 1920.
The Detroit Electric was an early electric car. Here it is near Mt. Rainer in Washington in 1920.

Image: Cress-Dale Photo Company/Getty Images

2016%252f10%252f18%252f6f%252f2016101865slbw.6b8ca.6b5d9.jpg%252f90x90By Sasha Lekach

Your chances of riding in an electric vehicle just went up: Lyft users will soon be able to request a zero-emission or hybrid vehicle directly from the home screen of the app.

SEE ALSO: Lyft offsets carbon emissions, but still relies on gas-guzzling cars

Starting in Seattle soon, Lyft is adding “Green Mode” to the ride-hailing app. This is a new feature to encourage emission-free ride-hailing. Using the new setting, passengers can request an electric vehicle through the app and get matched with a battery-powered (or hybrid) car for their ride.

Lyft says the new feature will likely be rolled out to other cities after the Seattle pilot.

To get more electric vehicles on the road, Lyft is offering more non-gasoline options through its driver car leasing program, Express Drive. Lyft didn’t specify which car models it will offer through the rental program. Drivers will get free unlimited charging as part of their weekly lease rate. For drivers, leasing an EV through Lyft’s program means no fuel costs. 

Drivers in Seattle and Atlanta now have more electric options when leasing a ride-share vehicle and eventually more cities will offer more EVs. General Motor’s Maven Gig is a similar car rental program for ride-share drivers and already offers electric options to rent — but for a higher weekly price.

Last year, Lyft committed to carbon neutrality, but many of the cars on the platform are still gas guzzlers. And since Lyft doesn’t own or operate its fleet it relies on the vehicles that drivers have — or rent. Only 1 percent of all U.S. car sales in 2017 were electric. So chances are much higher that a gas-reliant Hyundai Sonata will pick you up than an all-electric Chevy Bolt.

Of course, Lyft already has its own electric vehicles on the road: e-scooters

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Deirdre O’Brien to replace Angela Ahrendts as retail chief at Apple

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Deirdre O'Brien is Apple's new senior vice president of Retail + People.
Deirdre O’Brien is Apple’s new senior vice president of Retail + People.

Image: Apple

2016%252f09%252f16%252f6f%252fhttpsd2mhye01h4nj2n.cloudfront.netmediazgkymdezlza1.53aea.jpg%252f90x90By Stan Schroeder

Apple has named Deirdre O’Brien senior vice president of Retail + People. She replaces Angela Ahrendts who led the company’s retail department for five years, and is leaving Apple in April. 

O’Brien worked at Apple for 30 years, most recently as head of Apple’s People department, which has now been merged with Retail. 

SEE ALSO: Apple’s Smart Battery Case is the best way to power your iPhone for days

“For more than three decades, she has helped keep Apple focused on serving customers and enriching lives. She’s an exceptional leader and she’s been a vital partner to our retail teams around the world since the very beginning,” Tim Cook said of O’Brien in a statement. 

Apple’s new Senior Vice President of Retail + People Deirdre O’Brien speaks to Apple employees, with CEO Tim Cook and outgoing retail chief Angela Ahrendts in the background.

Apple’s new Senior Vice President of Retail + People Deirdre O’Brien speaks to Apple employees, with CEO Tim Cook and outgoing retail chief Angela Ahrendts in the background.

Image: Apple

Ahrendts, who came to Apple from Burberry in 2013, leaves the company at a time when smartphone sales are declining. While it’s hard to pin that on Ahrendts, Cook himself said the company’s iPhone battery replacement program, a decline in carrier subsidies and a stronger U.S dollar were the main culprits. The fact that she’s leaving at this particular time is notable. Apple says Ahrendts is leaving for “new personal and professional pursuits.” 

Interestingly, Vogue Business ran a big profile of Ahrendts just last week, which mostly focused on Apple, with nary a hint of Ahrendts departure in sight. 

Despite Apple saying Ahrendts is leaving in April, the company already changed O’Brien’s executive bio on its webpage, as noted by Bloomberg’s Mark Gurman. Ahrendts is still listed as Senior VP of Retail, though. 

Officially, Apple had only the best to say about Ahrendts. “She has been a positive, transformative force, both for Apple’s stores and the communities they serve,” Cook said in a statement. 

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National Signing Day 2019: Tracking Top 15 Uncommitted CFB Recruits

0 of 15

    Darnell Wright

    Darnell WrightAndrew Ivins/247Sports

    While most of the nation’s top recruits have already signed on the dotted line, there are still a handful of impact high school standouts who have yet to officially decide where they’re going to continue their football careers.

    The headliners of that group are five-star offensive tackle and No. 10 prospect in the class Darnell Wright from Huntington High School in West Virginia, and five-star running back and two-sport star Jerrion Ealy who has a chance to be a star in the backfield and in the outfield if he makes it to campus.

    With National Signing Day upon us, we’ll have all the latest announcements from the top 15 recruits still on the board right here in one convenient tracker.

1 of 15

    247SportsNo. 318 overall, No. 19 WDE

    Height/Weight: 6’2″, 235 lbs

    School: Jones County HS (Gray, GA)

    Status: Signed with Louisville

    Louisville landed a big early commitment on National Signing Day when defensive end Ja’Darien Boykin chose the Cardinals over Colorado State and Miami.

    The four-star weakside pass-rusher is now the top recruit in a class that ranks 96th nationally.

    247Sports wrote: “As a senior, Boykin recorded 52 tackles and 13 sacks in 11 games. He also forced and recovered a pair of fumbles. For his career, he totaled 208 tackles, 32 sacks and forced five fumbles. He also spent time on the offensive side of the ball, rushing for 88 yards and eight touchdowns on 11 carries in 2018.”

    He should see immediate action as a freshman and could develop into an impact player.

2 of 15

    247SportsNo. 282 overall, No. 17 OLB

    Height/Weight: 6’1″, 212 lbs

    School: Westfield HS (Chantilly, VA)

    Status: Uncommitted

    Virginia Tech looked like the clear front-runner for outside linebacker Eugene Asante throughout the recruiting cycle, but North Carolina has some late momentum after he made an official visit on Feb. 1.

    Florida State also came in with a late offer on Jan. 14 and he made an official visit on Jan. 25.

    The four-star outside linebacker climbed 1,170 spots when the composite rankings were updated on Jan. 31, and that late helium has added some heavy hitters to the mix.

3 of 15

    247SportsNo. 258 overall, No. 8 DUAL

    Height/Weight: 6’2″, 205 lbs

    School: Warren Easton HS (New Orleans, LA)

    Status: Uncommitted

    Originally committed to Kansas, dual-threat quarterback Lance LeGendre opened his recruitment back up on Aug. 1 and it now looks like he’ll choose between Florida State and Maryland.

    The Seminoles were already viewed as the heavy favorites even before quarterback Deondre Francois was dismissed from the team earlier this week. Now he’s likely a top priority.

    LeGendre is the only quarterback graded a four-star or better in this class who remains unsigned.

4 of 15

    247SportsNo. 211 overall, No. 13 WDE

    Height/Weight: 6’4″, 233 lbs

    School: De La Salle HS (Concord, CA)

    Status: Uncommitted

    It would be a shock if defensive end Isaiah Foskey doesn’t wind up at Notre Dame.

    As we’ve said for months and just to reiterate, we fully expect Concord (Calif.) De La Salle four-star defensive end Isaiah Foskey to go public with his commitment for the Fighting Irish when he announces his decision on ESPN at his high school,” wrote Tom Loy of 247Sports.

    This one is a lock.

5 of 15

    247SportsNo. 199 overall, No. 13 ILB

    Height/Weight: 6’2″, 225 lbs

    School: Menlo-Atherton HS (Menlo Park, CA)

    Status: Uncommitted

    A commitment to Washington from high school teammate Noa Ngalu has helped make the Huskies the front-runners for inside linebacker Daniel Heimuli.

    “If I did something, he would be there too. If he did something, I would be there too,” Heimuli told Mike Vorel of the Seattle Times. “Whenever we went to go eat, it’d be us two. Whenever we went to go work out, it’d be us two. Whenever coach needed something, it’d be like, ‘Ask Daniel,’ or, ‘Ask Noa.’ We were a combo. Wherever he’s at, I’m at. Wherever I’m at, he’s at.”

    Heimuli earned Defensive MVP honors at the Polynesian Bowl with six tackles, 3.5 tackles for a loss and a sack.

    His only official visit aside from Washington was to Oregon (Jan. 11), while Alabama has kept in contact as well.

6 of 15

    247SportsNo. 166 overall, No. 8 ATH

    Height/Weight: 6’2″, 212 lbs

    School: Amite HS (Amite, LA)

    Status: Uncommitted

    LSU is the overwhelming favorite to sign athlete Devonta Lee as they look to continue their in-state recruiting dominance.

    The Tigers have already signed seven of the top 10 recruits from Louisiana this year, and they could make it nine out of 10 if they secure commitments from Lee and high school teammate Ishmael Sopsher on Wednesday.

    Alabama, Kentucky and Texas A&M round out Lee’s final four.

7 of 15

    247Sports: No. 157 overall, No. 14 DT

    Height/Weight: 6’2½”, 310 lbs

    School: Winter Park HS (Orlando, FL)

    Status: Uncommitted

    Defensive tackle Jaquaze Sorrells named Alabama, South Carolina and Penn State as his final three last month in a diary-style article he wrote for USA Today leading up to the Under Armour All-America Game.

    He offered up the following on his decision-making process:

    “I don’t think there’s any one thing that will stand out as why I make my decision. Either those visits will go the way I think and will line up with the coaches and what I’ve heard, or they won’t. It’s about the overall fit and where I feel comfortable, where my heart leads me. I’m not really picky about which school does what; I just want to be developed by the best, be at that school for three to four years and go to the league, or figure out what happens from there.”

8 of 15

    247SportsNo. 124 overall, No. 7 OG

    Height/Weight: 6’4½“, 263 lbs

    School: Kahuku HS (Kahuku, HI)

    Status: Uncommitted

    USC was the early favorite for standout offensive guard prospect Enokk Vimahi, and they’re still squarely in the mix to land the 6’4½”, 263-pound mauler.

    However, the momentum seems to have shifted to Ohio State since he took his official visit on Jan. 25.

    He didn’t even receive an offer from the Buckeyes until Jan. 4, so he would be a great get for new head coach Ryan Day late in the recruiting cycle.

9 of 15

    247SportsNo. 90 overall, No. 4 ATH

    Height/Weight: 6’1″, 195 lbs

    School: Wellington HS (West Palm Beach, FL)

    Status: Uncommitted

    There are 18 crystal ball predictions for athlete Mark-Antony Richards and they all have him signing with Auburn.

    That said, a pair of recruiting directors both guessed he’d wind up at Miami in a recent article from Adam Gorney, Rob Cassidy and Mike Farrell at Rivals.com.

    Richards is a do-it-all type of recruit who can run the ball with the best of them but who can also catch the ball out of the backfield and line up in the slot if needed,” read the Rivals article.

    He’d be a dynamic addition to any offense.

10 of 15

    247SportsNo. 69 overall, No. 6 SDE

    Height/Weight: 6’4″, 268 lbs

    School: Louisville HS (Louisville, MS)

    Status: Uncommitted

    Auburn looks to have Charles Moore all but signed, though SEC foes Florida and LSU are still in the mix as well.

    His best friend, 4-star defensive end Jaren Handy, is already committed to Auburn.

    Oh yeah, we here,” Moore told Tom Green of Alabama.com in December. “We here. We might — I don’t want to just freak everybody out, but be looking for us to be beside each other in May or when the fall comes. Be looking for us to be beside each other.”

    Moore re-opened his recruitment on Jan. 7 when he decommitted from Mississippi State.

11 of 15

    247SportsNo. 48 overall, No. 6 CB

    Height/Weight: 6’1″, 182 lbs

    School: The Benjamin School (North Palm Beach, FL)

    Status: Uncommitted

    It appears to be down to Florida and Georgia for cornerback Kaiir Elam.

    The No. 6 cornerback in this year’s class also took official visits to Colorado (Jan. 25) and Miami (Dec. 7), and those two teams are included in his final four, but this has seemingly always been a two-horse race.

    While the Gators are viewed as the favorites, the Bulldogs may have gotten a boost when they signed No. 3 cornerback Tyrique Stevenson back in January.

    We’re both like similar,” Elam told Jeff Sentell of Dawg Nation last month. “I definitely want to play with him. He’s a ‘Dawg just like me from South Florida. He’s a good person at heart.”

12 of 15

    247SportsNo. 47 overall, No. 5 DT

    Height/Weight: 6’3½“, 334 lbs

    School: Amite HS (Amite, LA)

    Status: Uncommitted

    The top uncommitted defensive lineman in the class, Ishmael Sopsher already has the strength and build to be a handful at 6’3½” and 334 pounds.

    A First-Team All-American by both MaxPreps and USA Today, he took his official visit to LSU on Feb. 1 and the Tigers are the favorites to sign him.

    That said, Alabama is still lurking on the periphery, and there has been some momentum building on that front in the days and weeks leading up to National Signing Day.

13 of 15

    247SportsNo. 44 overall, No. 3 OLB

    Height/Weight: 6’2″, 230 lb

    School: De La Salle HS (Concord, CA)

    Status: Uncommitted

    Alabama is in hot pursuit of outside linebacker Henry To’oto’o.

    A few days after he made his official visit to campus on Jan. 25, head coach Nick Saban paid him a visit at home on Jan. 31.

    The Washington Huskies are probably the biggest threat to steal him away from the Crimson Tide, while he also took official visits to Utah (Dec. 14) and Tennessee (Jan. 11).

14 of 15

    247SportsNo. 29 overall, No. 3 RB

    Height/Weight: 5’10”, 200 lbs

    School: Jackson Prep (Flowood, MS)

    Status: Uncommitted

    The commitment of Jerrion Ealy could ultimately prove to be a moot point if he decides to pursue a pro baseball career in June.

    One of just four athletes ever to earn Under Armour All-America honors in both football and baseball, Ealy was recently ranked as the No. 14 prospect in the 2019 MLB Draft by Baseball America. The bonus money that comes with being a first-round pick in baseball could be enough to lure him away from the chance to pursue both sports on campus.

    The crystal ball predictions on him are pretty evenly split between Ole Miss and Clemson, and he’s also taken official visits to Mississippi State (Dec. 7) and Alabama (Feb. 1).

15 of 15

    247Sports RankNo. 10 overall, No. 2 OT

    Height/Weight: 6’6″, 320 lbs

    School: Huntington HS (Huntington, WV)

    Status: Uncommitted

    Tennessee has long been viewed as the favorite to land Darnell Wright, who is the No. 2 offensive tackle in this year’s recruiting class.

    However, he was singing a different tune at the Under Armour All-America Game in December.

    I would say North Carolina and West Virginia are my favorites right now,” Wright told Jason Jordan of USA Today. “West Virginia is my hometown school and I really like them and North Carolina has a new staff and one of my teammates is there. I’ll definitely take officials to those schools; the rest I’m not sure right now.”

    Whoever lands the 6’6″, 320-pound tackle will be getting a potential cornerstone player on the offensive line.

    All rankings referenced in the article refer to the 247Sports compositive rankings.

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Report: Tobias Harris, More Traded to 76ers from Clippers Before 2019 Deadline

Los Angeles Clippers forward Tobias Harris, left, passes the ball as Los Angeles Lakers forward LeBron James defends during the first half of an NBA basketball game Thursday, Jan. 31, 2019, in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill)

Mark J. Terrill/Associated Press

The Philadelphia 76ers acquired Tobias Harris, Boban Marjanovic and Mike Scott early Wednesday morning for Landry Shamet, Wilson Chandler, Mike Muscala, Philadelphia’s protected 2020 first-round pick, the Miami Heat‘s unprotected 2021 first-round pick and the Detroit Pistons‘ 2021 and 2023 second-round picks, according to Adrian Wojnarowski of ESPN.com.

The 2020 first-rounder is lottery-protected for three seasons and will become two second-rounders (2023 and 2024) if it doesn’t convey, per Ramona Shelburne of ESPN. Wojnarowski added the 76ers are “budgeting to re-sign and keep a new Big Four” of Ben Simmons, Joel Embiid, Jimmy Butler and Harris this summer.

Harris was dealt to the 76ers shortly after he hit a game-winning shot in the Los Angeles Clippers‘ 20-point comeback against the Charlotte Hornets:

LA Clippers @LAClippers

TOBIAS HARRIS FOR THE LEAD.

@tobias31 | #ClipperNation https://t.co/CQAJPVBkYC

Short term, the starting five of Embiid, Simmons, Butler, Harris and JJ Redick makes the Sixers title contenders. Long term, they are banking on re-signing Butler and Harris this offseason.

Below the surface, the move is also a reminder to Embiid and Simmons that the Sixers are serious about a championship. That approach feels particularly relevant this season, with Anthony Davis seeking a trade out of New Orleans after the Pelicans failed to ever build a contender around him.

As long as the Sixers have Embiid and Simmons, they should be in win-now mode, and this is a move in that direction.

Zach Lowe @ZachLowe_NBA

The other angle, of course, is that having both Butler and Harris gives the Sixers some leverage negotiating with each of them. No matter what the team says now, it is never a cinch to retain four big money players. https://t.co/ns2bWPGNrG

For the Clippers, the deal adds several valuable assets as they go big-fish hunting this summer. As Wojnarowski noted, Davis said he’d sign with the Clippers long term if he were traded there, and adding two first-round picks puts them in the running as a trade candidate.

Using those assets to land either Davis or another major star—alongside signing Kawhi Leonard over the summer, who has long been rumored to want a return to his hometown—would be a coup. Getting those assets for a player they may not have been able to re-sign in Harris only sweetens the deal.

Kevin O’Connor @KevinOConnorNBA

What a nice trade for the Clippers. They can create loads of cap space, and they have a pile of picks to use in the draft or as assets in the trade market. Few teams have as many clear paths to build with. The Clippers front office is doing impressive work.

Tas Melas @TasMelas

The Clippers now have a max salary spot for a free agent this summer. If I’m a Raptors fan, I’m frightened again.

For both Philadelphia and Los Angeles, the deal made sense. The Sixers land a player in Harris (20.9 PPG, 7.9 RPG, 49.6 percent from the field, 43.4 percent from three) who fits perfectly next to Embiid and Simmons long term and improves their chances to reach the NBA Finals this season.

It cost them a lot of future assets, which the Clippers can use in their plans to go star hunting themselves. This has the potential to be a rare win-win trade.

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Deirdre O’Brien to replace Angela Ahrendts as retail chief at Apple

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Deirdre O'Brien is Apple's new senior vice president of Retail + People.
Deirdre O’Brien is Apple’s new senior vice president of Retail + People.

Image: Apple

2016%252f09%252f16%252f6f%252fhttpsd2mhye01h4nj2n.cloudfront.netmediazgkymdezlza1.53aea.jpg%252f90x90By Stan Schroeder

Apple has named Deirdre O’Brien senior vice president of Retail + People. She replaces Angela Ahrendts who led the company’s retail department for five years, and is leaving Apple in April. 

O’Brien worked at Apple for 30 years, most recently as head of Apple’s People department, which has now been merged with Retail. 

SEE ALSO: Apple’s Smart Battery Case is the best way to power your iPhone for days

“For more than three decades, she has helped keep Apple focused on serving customers and enriching lives. She’s an exceptional leader and she’s been a vital partner to our retail teams around the world since the very beginning,” Tim Cook said of O’Brien in a statement. 

Apple’s new Senior Vice President of Retail + People Deirdre O’Brien speaks to Apple employees, with CEO Tim Cook and outgoing retail chief Angela Ahrendts in the background.

Apple’s new Senior Vice President of Retail + People Deirdre O’Brien speaks to Apple employees, with CEO Tim Cook and outgoing retail chief Angela Ahrendts in the background.

Image: Apple

Ahrendts, who came to Apple from Burberry in 2013, leaves the company at a time when smartphone sales are declining. While it’s hard to pin that on Ahrendts, Cook himself said the company’s iPhone battery replacement program, a decline in carrier subsidies and a stronger U.S dollar were the main culprits. The fact that she’s leaving at this particular time is notable. Apple says Ahrendts is leaving for “new personal and professional pursuits.” 

Interestingly, Vogue Business ran a big profile of Ahrendts just last week, which mostly focused on Apple, with nary a hint of Ahrendts departure in sight. 

Despite Apple saying Ahrendts is leaving in April, the company already changed O’Brien’s executive bio on its webpage, as noted by Bloomberg’s Mark Gurman. Ahrendts is still listed as Senior VP of Retail, though. 

Officially, Apple had only the best to say about Ahrendts. “She has been a positive, transformative force, both for Apple’s stores and the communities they serve,” Cook said in a statement. 

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Priyanka Chopra Jonas explains why she took her husband’s name

Unless you’ve been hiding under a giant rock these past few months, you’ll know that Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas got married.

Priyanka Chopra has since added Jonas to her name and she explained to Jimmy Fallon why she wanted to do that. 

“I always wanted to add his name to mine because I feel like, we’re becoming family,” she said. “I’m a little traditional and old school like that.”

“But I don’t take away my identity, it’s added to who I am.”

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