As the vast and fervent fandom of The Office knows, March 15 is notable for two, and only two, birthdays: those of Michael Scott and Eva Longoria, a fun fact Scott points out in the Season 2 episode “Michael’s Birthday.”

His follow-up about having an icebreaker if he ever meets Longoria’s Desperate Housewives co-star is … just so inherently Michael. 

The episode is a great reminder of just how cringe-worthy Michael can get. He insists the entire office celebrate his birthday as opposed to worrying about accountant Kevin, who may or may not have skin cancer.

But isn’t this Michael’s primary job, to make us totally cringe while he barely dabbles in managing the Scranton branch of the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company?

Steve Carell brought the character’s most frustrating aspects to life as vividly as he did the heartwarming ones. (I don’t think I’ve been as physically uneasy as I was watching Michael interrupt Phyllis and Bob’s nuptials to announce them as a married couple before poor Bob gets a chance to say “I do.”)

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And so, as my gift to Michael Scott on his 55th birthday — and to all of us except Eva Longoria/Teri Hatcher, on any given day — here are the Michael Scott moments that would truly embarrass any living human … anyone but Michael Scott, that is. 

1. “Diversity Day” — Season 1, Episode 2

When Michael took over for corporate liaison Mr. Brown to conduct diversity training, his method included sticking an ethnic label on every employee’s head, making them act out stereotypes, and then saying out loud that he didn’t have anyone be an Arab because it would be “too explosive.”

Literally no one except his right hand man Dwight Schrute seems enthusiastic, and Michael ends up getting slapped by Kelly Kapoor (Mindy Kaling) for badly imitating an Indian accent.

2. “Sexual Harassment” — Season 2, Episode 2 

Michael spends the episode getting schooled by corporate on appropriate workplace behavior. Despite this, when someone makes fun of how his employee Phyllis looks, he attempts to make her feel better by giving her a quick kiss on the cheek and telling her he’s now worried about getting a boner. 

You don’t need to see her expression to know that she is not amused. 

3. “The Injury” — Season 2, Episode 12

After barely injuring his foot on a George Foreman grill in this iconic episode, Michael uses crutches to walk around at work and boldly refers to himself as disabled. When his employees make fun of him, he asks if any of them know what it’s like to face disability. 

Phyllis says she had scoliosis as a young girl, but apparently that’s not a satisfactory answer. 

4. “A Benihana Christmas” — Season 3, Episode 10

Michael’s girlfriend/real-estate agent Carol dumps him for being too extra, which, understandable. In his tearful state, he doesn’t hesitate to call her his “ho.” The “you” he’s referring to here is … himself. 

Later in the episode, he is unable to tell which of two Asian waitresses from Benihana is his date to the office Christmas party. 

Classic dick moves all around. 

5. “Phyllis’s Wedding” — Season 3, Episode 16

Ah, yes, this is my favorite episode to watch when I want to recoil with discomfort. 

It’s Phyllis’s wedding and Michael has taken it upon himself to steal the show. He’s supposed to push her father’s wheelchair down the aisle, but midway, the dad decides to walk by himself. 

Clearly shaken at his limelight being stolen, Michael proceeds to slow walk to the altar as everyone looks on. The horror. 

6. “Chair Model” — Season 4, Episode 14

Look who’s back in the dating game! Michael, upon breaking up with girlfriend Jan, asks his employees to abandon everything in the middle of a work day and set him up on a date. 

Phyllis has someone great in mind, but he crushes his chances when the first question he asks is about her weight. 

On the plus side, Kevin tricks him into calling a Wendy’s by making him assume Wendy is a woman.  

6. “Double Date” — Season 6, Episode 9

Michael breaks up with Helene, his former secretary’s Pam’s mom, on her birthday (!) — as a cake-eating Jim and Pam observe in shock (!!) — for being “too old” (!!!). 

It’s horrifying because he dated Pam’s mom when Pam explicitly told him not to, and now, when Pam is finally okay with it, Michael ends things at literally the worst possible moment using the worst possible words. 

7. “Scott’s Tots” — Season 6, Episode 12

This is an episode I’m sure most fans of The Office tend to skip during their rewatch. It’s entirely cringe-inducing, and not in a funny way. 

Michael has to break the news to some high-school graduating kids that he can’t, as promised 10 years earlier, actually sponsor their college tuition. They’ve just gotta deal with the fact that they can’t go to college now. As compensation, he offers them all laptop chargers. 

Can I just say, his own intuition coulda and shoulda guided him better. 

8. “Body Language” — Season 6, Episode 23

Michael is excited to welcome his crush and potential client Donna, a bar manager, to the office. He spends the entire episode trying to kiss her and loops everyone at work — including Jim and Pam, who are doing the sales pitch for her — into very reluctantly giving him advice. 

When she walks in, he comes up with quite the greeting. Yikes. 

So, yeah. Happy birthday, Michael — it’s a big one.

Warning: Mild spoilers for Captain Marvel lie ahead.

Slap a 100% Certified Fresh sticker on my forehead and call me a hype man because I loved Captain Marvel. No ifs, ands, or buts. I just really, really, really loved this movie.

The undeniably fantastic Black Panther notwithstanding, I generally don’t obsess over the MCU. Sure, I’ve seen nearly every movie in its canon and can give you a simplified rundown on its most central plot lines — I mean, I work at Mashable: Home of the Marvel Obsession, and am also alive in 2019 — but broadly speaking, superhero movies rarely stick with me for more than a few hours.

Captain Marvel broke that mold, and I’m proud to say I have been researching everything about my new favorite Avenger, her Flerken companion, and her role in the upcoming Avengers: Endgame battle since the moment I left the theater. 

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Considering I am a white woman in my twenties, it makes a lot of sense that I would relate to Carol Danvers, a white woman in her twenties. But, more than relating to Carol or being excited by the much needed representation she is bringing to the MCU, I was enthralled and delighted by nearly every moment she appeared on-screen. 

Meeting a character I knew I would love so deeply felt electric.

Less than 10 minutes into my Captain Marvel screening, I could feel myself hip-pocketing Carol’s hilarious dialogue for later quoting, eating up her effortlessly cool (but not too cool) demeanor, and positioning her in my head as the obvious leader for the Avengers. 

She is the incorporation of Iron Man’s arrogance, Thor’s bravery, Black Widow’s cunning, and Star-Lord’s 20th century flair, but better. Meeting a character I knew I would love so deeply felt electric. It was an experience I hadn’t enjoyed since first seeing Steve Rogers morph into Captain America in 2011. 

As Carol slowly unseated Steve from the throne of Avengers’ Best Captain (existent only in my mind), she simultaneously escaped the box I had unknowingly put her in prior to seeing the movie. Captain Marvel wasn’t the cookie-cutter female hero I had expected. I wasn’t jumping up and down for her girl power, nor was I vicariously unleashing my feminist rage through each of her super-charged punches. 

In fact, at many points during Captain Marvel, Carol’s femaleness escaped me entirely. In her complete, theatrical form, Carol isn’t a “female superhero.” She is a superhero, full stop, and a completely kickass one at that.

The experience of seeing the first Marvel movie with a solo female lead was made better by nearly forgetting I was seeing the first Marvel movie with a solo female lead. She wasn’t overtly sexualized, like Black Widow, or pushed into a heterosexual romance, like Scarlet Witch, or positioned as the only woman in a group of men, like Gamora. 

Watching the charismatic Captain Marvel spar with Fury, fight Skrulls then S.H.I.E.L.D. then Kree, and slowly uncover her own origin story felt as true-blue Avenger as the MCU gets. Only the film’s overt feminist sign-posting, like that “I don’t have to prove anything to you” line, reminded me of what this movie represented within the bigger picture.

That bigger picture isn’t why I first fell in love with Captain Marvel — that was all Carol — but it is what has kept me in love with it since my first showing. Actress Brie Larson has championed some truly rad pro-woman PR throughout the film’s release, and witnessing girls’ and women’s reactions to her message feels as uniting as any battle cry. It is a marvelous time to be a female fan in the MCU.

Beyond that, I can gush over the specifics of this movie ad nauseam. I can tell you why I think Goose is the best sidekick in any universe, why young Fury is maybe even hotter than Thor, why Captain Marvel‘s ’90s soundtrack is ten times better than the music of Guardians: Vol. 1 and 2 combined, and why Carol is clearly the key to reversing the traumatizing events of Infinity War.

But do yourself a favor: Enjoy exploring the world of Captain Marvel for yourself. Go see or re-see this movie as soon as you can, because if it’s meant for you, you’ll know — and it’ll be hard to get enough.

Captain Marvel is in theaters now.